Kids Say the Darnedest Things

My kids crack me up.  Jett is one and just starting to talk and JJ is three and won’t stop talking.  I try to document the funny/crazy things they do and say so here are some of my favorite quotables:

Random conversation recently overheard in the car:

JJ: “Jett – zip the lip!”

Jett: “No.”

JJ: “Zip the lip!”

Jett: “No.

JJ: “I’m getting frustrated.  I really don’t love when you make all those noises.”


JJ: “Jett – zip it!!!”

All Jett was doing was sucking his thumb prior to this conversation.


When frustrated or trying to figure something out, JJ can often be heard saying one or more of these phrases:

“Oh, what’s the use! I already lost my marbles!”

“What in tar-nation!”

“Wait just a corn-popping minute!”

“Oh, biscuits and gravy!”

“Cinders and ashes!”

“Bust my buffers!”

He gets most of these from Thomas or Sheriff Callie, but the first one listed is a JJ original.


Complimenting my church attire:

“Mommy, you look just like Barney in that purple dress!”

Yes, large dinosaur was just the look I was going for.


Unfortunate word changes:

Me: “What happened to my English muffin?  Someone took a bite out of it.”

JJ: “Jett took a nipple out of it.”

Me: “I believe the word your looking for is nibble.”


JJ: “Is this a nipple?”

Me: “No, it’s a freckle.  Plus, it’s on your leg.”

Um yeah, we have a little bit of trouble with that word.


On playing with his brother:

JJ: “Mom, why is Jett such a pain in the boots?”

Me: “He just wants to play with you.  I don’t think he’s a pain.”

JJ: “Well, I do.  A big ole’ pain in the boots.”


“Jett, you can look at my tractors but you can’t touch them.  They are mine – very, very mine.”


Trying to weasel his way out of discipline:

“Am I done with timeout now? I just want to snuggle with my pretty Mommy.”

“Mom, I just want you to know – I love you no matter what.”

Notice how he goes after my sensitive side and not Dad’s. Hmmmm.


On personal hygiene:

(sees himself in the mirror) “Ah! My hair is a frightful mess!”

(while cuddling with me) “Please stop breathing on me.  Your breath smells like a garden – a horrible garden.”

(while going to the bathroom) “I will call you in when it’s time for you to be the butt-wiper, but for now I just want my privacy. Please leave, Mommy.”

Can I add butt-wiper with garden breath to my resume?


When asked about his costume for Halloween:

Me: “Do you still want to be a bear for Halloween?”

JJ: “Yes, I want to be a bear…bare naked.”

Me: “Your birthday suit is not a viable costume option.”

JJ: “Fine. Then I want to be one of the Octonauts.”



Me: “What would you like for a snack.”

JJ: “Metamucil.  That’s what Meme and Pap have for snack.”

Let me just say that I do not do a great job at hiding my laughter in some of these situations. I love their creativity and hearing the things that they come up with.  Next to the kisses and cuddles, laughter is my favorite part of parenthood.
Linked with these great blogs: Equipping Godly Women

12 thoughts on “Kids Say the Darnedest Things

  1. oh my goodness, jess, hilarious!! Emily keeps me up to date on these two when we run, but these ‘quotes’ had me laughing out loud!


    • If people don’t know my kids (especially JJ), they would probably think this stuff is made up. I’m just not creative enough to make it up! They always have me laughing!


    • Isn’t that the truth! And I have the same potty problem – I’m always saying, “let’s focus so we can get out of here!” It’s like it is some sort of fun place to hang out to them, haha.


  2. My little 5 year old sister says some pretty funny things too! Like, ‘if I put this Fish Finger in the sea, will it swim?’ “how do people get out of the telly if they don’t want to be in there, do they smash the glass?’ “Why do spiders drink bugs’ blood, Mummy? Oh, I know, so they don’t get the hiccups!” When asked what she was making on her play stove, “I’m making some progress, would you like some?”


  3. Ha! Those are too funny! Yesterday my five year old was looking for his mask and he kept wondering around wondering where his head was. I thought… I ask myself that same question every day! lol Thanks for sharing on Equipping Godly Women Fellowship Fridays!


    • I definitely ask myself that question daily too! The best part is, the majority of the stuff kids say is said so innocently, they don’t realize how funny it is!


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